Undeterred by my decidedly unspicy experience with Maruchan's Sriracha Chicken Flavor Ramen, I grabbed another one of their products that claimed to be hot and spicy: Maruchan Instant Lunch - Hot & Spicy Beef Flavor.


I associate these cup-style ramen delivery systems more with grade school than with poor college students.  I was always immediately jealous if some kid at school had one in their lunch.  The noodles always seem lower quality than what's in regular ramen packets, a perception that's probably enhanced by the fact that they never quite hydrate properly even if you follow the directions perfectly.  But they come in their own little Styrofoam cup and have little vegetables in them, so from a kid's point of view, they seem vastly fancier.

The words "Hot" and "Spicy" appear on the packaging many times.  It's like they're trying to tell us something...

Mmmm...powdery...

Yep, this is both instant and lunch.

Noodles enlarged to show noodleyness.
The flavor and quality is exactly what you'd expect from an instant noodle in a cup.  But I was actually pleasantly surprised by the level of heat in these noodles.  To my taste, they're by no means "hot", but the heat level definitely reads as intentional.  Where the Sriracha ramen from the same brand had no noticeable heat, this flavor definitely has a mild, enjoyable edge of spicy to it.

Would I recommend it?  Well, that depends.  If you can get your hands on some Shin Ramyun instead, I'd say do that without hesitation.  But if you're shopping for Maruchan Instant Lunch anyway and the Hot & Spicy Beef flavor is available, I say grab it.
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Still on the entitlement train for my birthday early in February, I got myself a bottle of High River Sauces' Rogue Moruga Blood Orange Scorpion Pepper Sauce.


I was enticed by the promise of high heat from the Trinidad Moruga Scorpion and Ghost Peppers, each of which have been declared the hottest pepper on earth in recent history before being eclipsed by another.  I was also drawn to the delicious-sounding combo of fruits, which includes blood oranges and pears.


The color on this sauce is really beautiful, but I have to warn you that it's very thin and watery.  It's very, very easy to dump an eighth of the bottle onto your food when you're trying to just add a dash.


My wife commented that the flavor is very vinegary, but I find the combo of the use of apple cider vinegar along with the sweet tang of the fruit ingredients makes the sharp flavor vibrant and keeps it out of the dreaded Tabasco zone.

The heat level is nice, but not overwhelming.  On the many occasions that I've accidentally dumped way more of the thin sauce than I meant to on my food, I've still enjoyed the flavor and heat and not found it too spicy for my tastes.  The sauce's sweetness and the fact that the hot peppers are relatively low on the ingredients list probably contributes to that.

The good:  Sharp, fruity flavor.  Decent heat.

The bad:  Very runny consistency.  Could be hotter.


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I'm not that into chips in general.  It's not that I'm not a snacky person, but when I'm craving something to munch on, chips are not my first choice.  There are exceptions, of course.  Tortilla chips with salsa or guacamole are great now and then.  And I enjoy the occasional salt and vinegar kettle chip or those barbecue twist Fritos.  But generally a bag of chips sitting near me isn't a huge temptation.

But my prodigious waistline and I have found a way.  The exception that overrules all other exceptions.

Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you Turbos Flamas by Sabritas.

Sabritas was a potato chip company founded in Mexico in the '40s, but Pepsico bought it in the '60s and it's now the Mexican brand and distributor of all Frito-Lay products.  Those of us in states bordering Mexico can also find some of their products next to the Lay's in the chip aisle.  And that's just where I found Turbos Flamas.

I was first drawn to them by their physical resemblance to the aforementioned Frito Honey BBQ Flavor Twists, the texture of which I really like.  The rotini-like shape led my wife and I to call them "noodle chips".  They have a finer grind than tortilla chips or regular Fritos, but still not so fine that they just go to mush in your mouth.  And while I'm not generally in love with chili/lime everything, the hyperbolic promise of high levels of heat made me think I should at least try Turbos Flamas once.  And then I tried them, like, a hundred times.


These crunchy little cornmeal twists covered in a chili-lime flavored red powder are a real weakness for me.  In fact, the only thing that keeps me from inhaling whole bags in one sitting is the sheer intensity of flavor.  The heat alone is not enough to dissuade me, although it does build up nicely as you eat them.  But along with the spicy heat is a tart, tangy lime flavor that escalates alongside it, the combo of the two eventually making it feel as though if you don't stop eating them, you'll be whistling through holes in both cheeks.

And it's so good.  It's so intense.  This is a snack with absolutely zero subtlety.

And by the time you've cried "uncle" your fingers are coated in a thick layer of  radioactive magenta dust.  Ungodly red swirls around the drain when you wash your hands afterward in an unintentional tribute to Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho.

I hate and love these snacks.

They're going to kill me someday, I know it.


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